Transparent Refusal
by Darth Corsa and Darth Manul
Summary: Shepard chose the refusal option. She is left alone while the Normandy is waiting for the last orders.
1. Part 1

**Author: **Darth Corsa

**Starring:** Female Shepard (part 1), _Normandy_ crew (part 2)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Author's Note: ** And once again, sorry for my language knowledge, it's still very difficult for me.

* * *

_What if the_ _right choice, is not to choose_ _at all?_

_Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5_

* * *

"Commander, answer, dammit!" Hackett's voice rattled in the radio transmitter. "What the hell is going on?!"

"The Crucible is not activated. We're on our own." She spoke softly.

Admiral fell silent for some moments.

"Shepard?"

Then he again and again tried to shout for her, adding such foul expressions into his questions that Shepard had not heard on Earth during her childhood, managing not to repeat himself. Periodically she received calls from the other channel, maybe, it was the _Normandy_, but she could not be sure because of the static. It was a miracle that the connection was still active. Wincing with pain, Shepard reached out and deactivated her omnitool. The voices faded, and now there was just uncomfortable silence, disturbing by her heavy breath. Commander realized she was left alone somewhere on the Citadel, in the place where organics had never trod.

She gingerly knelt, thinking to herself that there's nothing to lean on. Adrenaline started to wear off and fatigue and injures made themselves felt. Dozing, Shepard wondered if many others would agree with her choice or would brand her as a traitor. Now it was pointless to reflect upon the other choices, was the Catalyst right, wasn't she really being indoctrinated or it's just an illusion… Was it actually her choice? Or she just thought that her decision had changed something? Maybe, now she's on board of the _Normandy_, sleeping and having a nightmare.

"Control is a mean to survival." The Illusive Man, damn sure of his own words, took one more drag, put the cigarette in the other hand and walked around Shepard who was now lying on the cold metal floor. She raised her head, but could see only toes of man's expansive leather shoes. "Shepard, you couldn't understand…"

And he was right. He didn't truly understand the meaning of this 'control', but he was right. The war with the Reapers would be stopped; the consequences would be eliminated eventually… And some day, the organics would create an AI again. The underground experiments with good intentions, of course, or a way to military strength - in the end it wouldn't matter. And then a new Catalyst once again recall the true use of the Reapers. Interesting, what form would it take for the next organic standing here?

"It shouldn't happen," Shepard whispered as if she was making an excuse, trying to convince either herself or the Illusive Man.

"Shepard." There was another familiar voice. Half-opening her eyes she noticed the tall frame of Anderson. He was wearing clean and ironed Alliance jacket with high collar. "The Reapers are coming. I trusted you, but you failed me…"

Anderson was also right. The Reapers could be destroyed. After many years organics would recover from the war, and after some more time they would start to mess with things they could not fully understand. The quarians managed to create the geth, even humans made some illegal research on an AI - so the next generations could do. They could and they certainly would, not thinking about the consequences. And who would stop them?

"It could be a fusion of both organics and technology, comprising the strengths of both, the weakness of neither," reminded the long-dead Turian, joining Anderson and the Illusive Man. "I wish we could destroy you during the first contact war. Turians would never -"

The Synthesis? Melting of organics and synthetics?

That just seemed… unnatural. They fought _against_ synthetic threat, not to become one with it.

"I fought for freedom; mine and everyone's," Shepard mumbled. Only now she realized she had unconsciously reached for her pistol and was grasping it in her hand. She threw it off and the weapon slid along the shiny and smooth floor. Shepard tried to roll herself into a ball, shivering with sudden cold.

* * *

"Lieutenant! Major Kyle is badly injured and he's unconscious! Orders?" a corporal was blankly staring at her, holding the new shiny assault rifle in his hands. Shepard once again cursed her promotion, which she and the squad had celebrated not long ago.

"If we fall back, they will decide that they can do anything they want, unpunished! Go, go, go!" she yelled with sudden anger. Those four-eyed bastards would learn their place and wouldn't dare to attack human colonies once again. "Let's clean this place!"

"Lieutenant, heavy casualties!"

"Go, go, go!"

When the reinforcements arrived, the batarians were wiped out, even those who surrendered. Lieutenant remembered well as the Alliance soldier started back when he saw her face, stained in blood, and mad eyes. That day she sent 3/4ths of her unit to its death. After Torfan even her friends started to keep away from her. Small cost for the mission done. She had never known, but the high command had debates about her future military career.

* * *

"Shepard, are you sure?" the figure coming out of the shadows turned out to be Finch. He was standing with his arms in the pockets of a worn leather coat and looking at the girl.

"Absolutely," she mumbled, trying to avoid his stare.

"Oh, those Alliance recruit posters, better life, right?" he said with a false sympathy. "I suppose the Alliance soldiers, surrounded by the alien females, would be happy to see someone closer to home." Finch laughed nastily. "If you will want to return to the "Reds", the guys wouldn't understand. They don't like the whole idea."

Shepard, shivering with cold spring wind, explained Finch where he and the guys with their opinion could go.

"You little…" he muttered. She, not wasting time, attacked first. But at some instant she couldn't manage to avoid the hit and fell on the ground.

* * *

She woke up; asphalt of the Vancouver street became the cold metal floor once again, where she was lying all the time. At least, she felt warm now. The hallucinations disappeared; the Catalyst didn't show back either. Commander looked at the giant Reapers who were attacking the Alliance fleet outside the Citadel. They seemed so majestic from here. Suddenly a feeling of total serenity came out. Maybe, it was from realization that her decision was the only possible option, or maybe she understood that soon everything would end.

They would never wipe out all organic life forms. May many thousand years pass, but intelligent life forms would appear on the ruins of previous civilizations or on unsettled planets… Destruction of organic life forms was not the goal of the Reapers, just preservation. And some time, some Cycle would not only survive the Harvest, but prevent it from happening again and again.

…Shepard was sure that she was in her own quarters on a board of the _Normandy_, wrapped in the cozy and warm blanket, waiting for Kaidan.

* * *

**A/N:** The next part will be the last one.

Personally I sympathize neither of endings, just my own nice headcanon, but I want to write some fanfics about every ending.


	2. Part 2

**Lyv**, thanks! Here is the last chapter. Once again, sorry for my grammar. Maybe, someone would like to help with beta-reading? )

* * *

Major was standing behind pilot's chair (and was breathing down his neck, in pilot's opinion) and tried to get the understanding of the situation.

"You know you don't have to stand over me." Joker hissed.

Those few hours since Shepard had disappeared in the beam seemed like eternity to Kaidan. He automatically rubbed his forehead, wiping the dry blood; it was like he and Vega were running to the beam ages ago.

Now the ship was drifting near Earth, avoiding the direct hits and not engaging with the enemy, but ready to take off by the first order.

"Status report?" once again Kaidan asked. Joker just cursed and pointed at the screen where the green points represented the Alliance fleet and the red ones – the Reapers.

"What the…" major examined the screen closely and noticed that green spots began to disappear.

"They've not fought with their full capacity before, trying to estimate our forces," EDI suggested. "And now they do not keep back."

"But why?" Major wondered. "The Crucible did work? That's their final resistance?"

"I wish it was true", the pilot shrugged, clenching the arm of the chair. "The radio connection is still not steady. I cannot pick Admiral or She… the Citadel."

There was silence. Kaidan listened to radio noise; there were no orders about attack or retreat. And no signal from the Commander. Her last vital signs picked by the computer of her hardsuit indicated the worst, but they could also glitch, Major reminded himself.

Suddenly the Admiral's voice broke the silence.

"All sh... Cruci... Retre... Didn't work... Retreat!" then there again was static.

"Admiral Hackett!" Alenko cried, slamming his fist against the metal wall. "What's happening?!"

Static was the answer.

"So, Shepard has done nothing," the pilot softly stated the obvious. "And now the Reapers just want to deal with organics, not being distracted by anything."

"Anyway, she could be alive," Alenko objected. "We should return to the Citadel!"

"Kaidan," Joker said softly "we've lost her track long time ago. And due to her vital signs it can have only one explanation. I'm sorry."

Major sighed heavily, trying to accept this. Of course, Joker was reasonable. There were about fifty men aboard and every one of them wanted to live. If they had a chance to escape… _Normandy_, by the way, is the fastest ship in Alliance fleet.

"I'm sorry…" Alenko mumbled. "But – "

Suddenly Joker rushed to the panel board. The ship began to shake and Alenko barely managed to keep on legs. Judging by the sharp turn, EDI and Joker just made the incredible evasive maneuvers.

"What…" Kaidan said, recovering his breath. "What was it?"

"It was inflamed quarian cruiser which lost control! Or, what remained from it, to be exact. Everything's like hell if you want the short version of our status." Joker said, pushing the keys on the holographic screens.

"Mister Moreau wanted to say that the kinetic shields of the _Normandy_ are still at full capacity, but the engines are damaged," EDI translated. It was regret in her voice.

"Damaged?!"

"Well, the choice was either the quarian cruiser or the Reaper laser, you know. We're lucky we're not on fire," Joker explained wearily. "Anyway, our current speed is a little faster than elcor's."

"And what's with the main gun?" Major wondered. At least, they could fight.

"Nothing," Vega came, catching the last part of their conversation. "I'm right from Garrus and Tali: they're trying to calibrate the weapon, but in vain. We've lost much power, and it won't restore in the near future."

"Then I hope they don't waste time there," Joker make a lame joke.

Everybody understood that they couldn't escape and the slowly flying ship is a perfect target for the Reapers. And no help this time. The dark space outside the window was illuminated by the explosions of the ships of the Alliance Fleet.

"Liara returned to her cabin," Vega informed them without any emotions. "She said she wanted to remotely add some new entries to her time capsules. Just in case."

Alenko nodded: possibly it was the last thing they can do now. Maybe asari made the most important work in this Cycle, preserving the information for the next organics. Let's just hope they would find this information in time and would be ready. Anyway, soon the data would be the last remind of this Cycle.

"EDI, any changes?" Alenko asked again, not really expecting to hear something positive in return; he was a realist after all. She negatively shook her head.

"The engines still do not work."

"I promised her I won't lose another _Normandy_..." Joker mumbled. "And don't tell Liara: I don't want to go down in history as the lamest pilot of this Cycle."

James nervously hemmed, indicating that he appreciated Joker's sense of humor; EDI was silent. She didn't leave the attempts to do something with the engines, but the holographic panels still were red. Somewhere near _Normandy_ another ship exploded, coloring the cockpit into the red color; it was absolutely silent: the open channel transmitted only static and the space hid all sounds.

"Orders, Major?" Vega's question broke Kaidan's stupor. Indeed, he was the superior officer.

Alenko phlegmatically shrugged, then reached out and pushed a few buttons on the panel.

"_Normandy_, this is your CO speaking. Orders..." he paused for a few seconds. "No orders. At ease."

To maintain the discipline? To fight? How? Even the pilot thought that the ship couldn't be saved.

"Guys, I'm in the cargo bay. Do some exercises. Hell, I even didn't realize that it would be so awfully empty without Steve..." James said in a confused voice.

Kaidan nodded, suddenly realizing that he saw the lieutenant for the last time, then turned to Joker: EDI was standing near him, whispering something in his ear. Major would laugh at the situation (AI soothing a human!) if the current state wasn't so pathetic. He turned and silently left the cockpit, heading to the elevator and ignoring the cries of the personnel. On the third floor he stopped near the memorial wall, looking at the plates with names of the fallen crew. Such plates were made for each of a crewmember. Kaidan found the one with "Cdr" on it and carefully adjust it to the wall, saluting. Senseless action, considering nobody would see it soon. That's just a matter of time… The hope was for the luck: that the Reapers suddenly would be destroyed or the engines would work.

To Major's surprise, observation port wasn't empty: Javic was sitting cross-legged on the floor near the window and stared somewhere, not blinking. At first Alenko didn't realize that the Prothean wasn't looking at something, but meditating.

"In the end I started to think that you are not as primitive as you appear", he suddenly said, making Alenko start. "Nice to see I've never been mistaken. You've failed just like everybody else."

The Prothean again dwelled on his memories. Kaidan even envied him: if only he could abstract from everything, remembering the moments from the past and not notice the end, when it would come. He passed Javic and went to the bookcase. Last he remembered there was a bottle of beer, which had been bought on the Citadel, secretly smuggled on the _Normandy_ and waited till the victory, no matter how funny it did sound now. The Crucible inspired hope that time... _They_ even started to think about the future together...

Just strikingly how it all had changed within some moments.

Major sat comfortably on the sofa, leaning on the back and glanced at Javic. Then he closed his eyes and tried to remember the pleasant moments from his past - the last time spent on the _Normandy_.

"This is Joker!" the voice interrupted his memories. "EDI and I managed to run the engines. Hold on!"

Major opened his eyes: the dot of stars became long lines. Maybe... it's possible... there's a chance... they would get out of here. He threw the bottle and rushed to the elevator. But he didn't make more than a few steps.

..._Normandy_ was shaken once again; there was terrible noise of the sirens. The Reapers had no intentions to let somebody escape. Just blind luck, but the observation port still was in one piece. Kaidan heard cries and tramping outside.

He thought that the situation recalled the events of _Normandy SR1_ crashing. Alenko silently saluted to his own reflection in the window.

Maybe, in the next Cycle someone would end this, once and for all. Maybe, someone's story would end well... Maybe, the heroes of the next Cycle would be together after everything…

The Reaper hit the ship for the second time. Of course, the layer of the observation port wasn't created for such damage.


End file.
